Breast Cancer: Living With Fear

November 20, 2016  •  Leave a Comment

As told to me by one of the strongest and most beautiful women I know. 

"Reading a blog from my dear friend  Brian brought back many thoughts and questions to my mind. Brian; you wrote an eloquent story of a survivor who won a difficult battle with cancer with help from family and friends and made it to the other side.

I look at the amazing story in pictures. It stirs up bittersweet memories. My first memory is fear. The fear of taking off my wig amongst friends. Only my husband had seen me without my wig. I was scared   My wig was my security. To let it go revealed my vulnerability. Surrounded by family and friends I wanted to run from this ugly reality that would now be made public. The photo shoot was fun and amazing until the wig came off. My being was compromised by my ugliness and baldness. I was exposed. I was having a full blown panic attack hiding behind a smile in front of a camera. The pictures remind me of fear, insecurities and finally acceptance.  Moving forward to 2016 life has changed and yet it has remained the same. I hid behind the wig until April 10,2016. My wig was my security. To let it go was to reveal myself; the new me. I was not strong enough for this yet I conquered it.
 Since cancer I have felt a deficit in my self esteem and confidence. I may never get it back. Conquering cancer is an accomplishment. Being fearful for its return is my demon that haunts me daily. I have learned to life day by day. Some days are bad and I can only live minute by minute.

Brian thank you for the photo diary that helps me see how far I have come. A gift I can never repay

Beating cancer does not mean the fear is gone; you just learn to live with it. Live and love every moment."

 


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